I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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