Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
