I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
