Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
