you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
