My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We talked him into tasing himself.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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