Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
