My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
