She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
