Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
