is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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