She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize
