Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
