Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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