everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
