If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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