Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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