I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
