you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
