Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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