Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
