You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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