Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
