it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
