Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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