he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
