Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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