For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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