is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
