Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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