If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
