I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
