Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
