The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
