don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
