She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
