I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
