his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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