barbara walters just said penis...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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