I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
