I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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