I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
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