Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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