there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
