I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
