Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
