just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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