I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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