Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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