I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
