I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
