I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
