our cab driver is having phone sex.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
