I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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